Start Doing

There are 7 billion people on the planet.

Now I know that is common knowledge but I am infamous for over thinking so why not come along for the ride. 7 bilion people is a LOT of people, I mean that is 7 000 000 000 - that is 9 zeros.  Whats even more is if each day there are 24 hours, together that is 168 000 000 000 hours in a day for people on earth to do something significant. I have had my down in the dumps days where I feel small and insignificant but why dwell on that?

You, yes you were created for a purpose. Not just your better looking, smarter, more successful friend YOU. With so many people on the planet one of the first things our brain tells us to do is compare ourselves to others. We could look at the beautiful Mother Theresa who is known all over the world for her work in India, then there is Bono with his (red) campaign and the fight against aids, or we can look at people like donald trump or Oprah who are both incredibly influential and wealthy people. What I want to know is why?

If being significant is all about upstaging someone and being better I don't want any part. The thing is at some point in your life ( probably more than once) you are going to have to take a look back at what you have done. Being honest with yourself how many times have you evaluated your lofe and felt like it just wasn't enough? The job you thought was perfect fell through, the relationship you thought would last forever ended in heartache or you took a risk and it failed horribly. I can tick all those boxes and still have a smile on my face.

How do I that? well it sure isn't the easiest decision I have had to make. I still choose to do it though because I know that one day my dreams will come true. I am not talking about this airy fairy living on cloud 9 dream but I am talking about the things that get my heart pumping. When I talk about something and I can't help but get excited about or the ideas that I think are just a little crazy, one day those things may just change the world.

I am not saying I want recognition or to be famous and swimming in cash I want to do something that makes someone smile. My dream is for every woman, man and wee little child on the planet feel love. It is fluffy and far fetched but the reality is it is my dream. I am not going to be able to travel the world and tell 7 billion people that they are loved or that they matter but with the power of people it is possible. If you don't believe me and think that dreams have limits I would like to share a story.

Once upon a time there was a little boy by the name of timothy. Now Timothy was a very smart boy who spent much of his time studying and learning all he could about science. He grew up in london with his 3 siblings challenging himself and the science world. As Timothy grew into a young man so did his passion for science and technology. In March 1989 Mr. Tim Berners Lee put him name down in history for inventing one of the most used resource on the planet.  Tim invented the world wide web.

When Tim was growing up he maybe had dreams of being a scientist but you cannot tell me when he sat colouring at age 5 he knew that one day he would invent the internet. He had dreams but as he got bigger his dreams did too. He kept pushing the limits and though in his field he is recognized you don't necessarily hear his name in everyday conversation.

I say this because he is a legend! His life looks incredible but it didn't just happen he had to work hard and keep going even when everything around him said stop. If every person on the planet followed Mr. Berners Lee's example and every single hour of the 168 billion hours we are given was used to its full potential, just think about how amazing our world would be! Don't limit yourself because it seems crazy, just go for it. Take a risk and live a life that you want to live not a life you have to live. Find your dreams and then do something about it. Only you can be the best you, find your dreams and then give it all you got.

If all else fails try again

thanks

Beauty in the Broken

Beauty in the broken is often over looked.
Brokenness is seen as weakness,
not as a scar from getting up.
When heartache and hurt cut you down
courage will drive you to try yet again.


The joy that greets you is small and simple
but nothing can compare or replace it.  
Bruised and worn down the next step is the test, 
every motion forward puts defeat in the past.
The scar is still there but no longer causes pain, 
your past pushed you forward and triumph  is yours to gain.


The sun burns brighter, your smile greets the day. 
Beauty is all that's left now no sorrow, sadness or shame.
Let the world know your heart is still whole,
Embracing the moments that make you who you are.

congratulations you're disappointed

When you live your life focused on success there are so many ways that you can fail.

There is temporary fulfillment in success but more often than not disappointment becomes the only prize.

Life can feel like it is flying by and all we can do is hang on and hope we don't get to banged up. I can promise you I have had those days. There are other days though that seem to come a little less frequent but worth every bad day. These days can come along when you least expect it. It doesn't matter who you are or what you have done they come to put a smile on your face and let you know things are going to be ok. Even if right now they are crumpling in front of you eventually things will look up. Over the past few months I have been a bit of an idiot to be frank. I have had days that have knocked me off my feet and I got too tired to fight so disappointment and me became constant companions. I became obsessed with this ideology that things had to be a certain way or I had to be a certain version of myself. All that led to was frustration and confusion.

Yesterday a magical thing happened a simple phone call to make the light at the end of the tunnel a little closer. The person on the other end had no idea what the story was but they took the time to find out. In 15 minutes my disappointment seemed less of a burden and more of a distraction that I could just ignore. That may not make loads of sense but the thing is life is going to have moments where life is screaming at you to fail, a big banner in front of saying congratulations you're disappointed! That is completely fine because if I am naive enough to believe things are going to be perfect I am going to be in for heaps of trouble. I can turn the other way and put my eye on something better instead. Like the fact that it is sunny and 28* outside or on the fact that my mixed up strange family love me. I don't need to spend all my time creating a plan to be successful and making sure I have a bank account that can get me through anything. As nice as that is there are more important things and those are the things that will sustain this nomad. One moment doesn't make everything better it helps to have the good moments propel me forward.

just keep swimming

Some days are easier than others

yesterday was one of those brutal days that took way too long to be over. It dragged on and on not giving me much inspiration. Most days when I am happy or I have learned something new I will feel more up to blogging or talking to friends or just doing something more than sitting on my couch. Since that day wasn't yesterday I thought I would be real and give it a go on a day that the darker parts of me are out for the world to see. The thing is even though I know 100% that I am not alone in this world and there are so many people on the planet it doesn't change the heart wrenching feelings of isolation. I recently had a conversation with a friend and the both of us were surprised when we discovered that some of our biggest fears were mutual. We had both been under the impression that we were the only people struggling with it but in one single moment we felt a weight lifted knowing even if there was no one else we had each other to lean on. It didn't make the fear go away, it almost became a little scarier knowing someone was aware of my vulnerabilities.

Life is going to have days that weigh me down where the thoughts in my head drown out the ones in my heart. Some days when no matter how hard I try the struggle is to much. It is in those days that I see the worst parts of myself and after quite a few of those I have realized something amazing. If that is my worst point I am doing pretty good for myself. I could look at the crap and let that overwhelm me or I can look at the fact it hasn't completely knocked me down and use the last ounce of strength to take the next step.

My performance and striving for perfection is not necessarily going to be the best thing to focus on. Beating myself up for it is definitely not going to help the situation. I do know that even though it seems impossible a lot of the time I can look at the fact that tomorrow is a new day. I don't forget what happened the day before or ignore the facts but I can try to make the most of it.

So that is what I have decided to do, yesterday sucked and if I wanted I could let that roll over into today too. Or I can make the decision to use the small parts of me that want more than that to shine through. I am not going to be dancing around the office with a smile on my face but I am going to get a cup of tea and do what I can to make today the best I can. Today won't be perfect, it may not even be good it could balance out at OK but as a very wise fish once said "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming" 

enjoy

The adventure of life is exquisite and meant to be enjoyed. 

every tear.

every smile.

every breathe.


every moment.

Discover Something New

Dreaming of travel and adventure is something I spend a lot of my time doing. I dream of discovering new places , tasting strange food, drinking tea in a adorable cafe, and sharing stories with other travelers.  

I have done all those things but I still want to do and see more! I have had a glimpse of the vast world we live in and I have seen its beauty intertwined in with its flaws . Together they reveal a beautiful world with so much to be unraveled. I have been back in my homeland for a few months and my nomad spirit inside is about to burst . There is a desire in me to one day have a home and family but why does that require one mold? Discovering the things that may have been hidden forever sparks something inside of me. I want to find remote villages and towns where I can gain wisdom from little old ladies who have known nothing but adventure. 

The thing is every person has their dream of a perfect life. For some it entales the urban jungle and climbing to the top of the corporate ladder. Others want to be safe in the comfort of a home and surviving on the nurture and care of the ones they love.    There are endless possibilities and ways that people find their own path.  There isn't one right way or one right way, and it most definitely isn't about success. Life is an adventure in itself and we should enjoy the ups and downs. It can seem impossible when things turn out for the worst but  there is beauty hidden in the brokenness. The scars you are left with show your strength and perseverance, the courage you had to push through. 

Your adventure is a grand  masterpiece for the world to see. You  may see far in the distance where you want to be and have no idea how to get there. 

Bliss is in the discovery of the unknown, take that first step and take each day as it comes. Find  enjoyment in the simplest of things create moments of enchantment with the ones you love. Take risks and make mistakes, try something new because you will never know what you are missing unless you do. 

Expect the unexpected

By now I have figured out that plans aren't always going to work out in my favor. No matter how hard I try or what I do there are going to be twists and turns in the road of life. Sometimes I am going to make a turn and things will seem like they are going great and I end up taking a long detour to where I wanted to be. Other times I will just flat out hit a dead end and have to go right back where I started.

Today was one of those days when it was smooth sailing, things were fantastic. For the first time in a while I had a smile on my face just because. I wasn't thinking about what could go wrong or the mistakes I made. I was looking at the up side, the parts of my life that being me happiness. Then out of nowhere, just when things seemed to be going well

*BAM*

Smack in the face an unexpected turn. It was disguised as disappointment dressed in fear. A situation that left me helpless, I couldn't go to the rescue and fix it I literally had to sit back and hope for the best.

In that moment I had a choice. I could have seen the situation as a dead end road or choose to make the most of it and not be defeated. I decided to make a change to my normal freak out and just breathe.

As people we have an inner desire for approval. It could be with family, friends, colleagues or a whole other area but the fact is we need it. We crave that feeling when we are recognized for being great. When we are faced with trials we try to figure a way out. Now many people can look inward and sort things out but a lot of people seek guidance from friends. This has been one of my greatest weaknesses. I have put other people so high on my influence list that sometimes I forget to stop and think about what is good for me. I say this because it has caused me heartache and a lot of frustration. I will go around in circles trying to figure things out and that is where the problem begins. I try I don't listen to what God is saying first i put my friends and families opinions first, my opinions second and if I am not completely messed up i go to where I should have went in the first place...to God.

I took time today to think about what is best for me and instead of running in circles I stopped for a second and had a chance to think and more importantly breathe. I went to the source and found exactly what I needed, I found peace. I don't know how things are going to turn out but I know that it isn't my responsibility to know. I made a decision to not let the twists and turns of life knock me off my feet but decided to learn and figure a way out.

When I take a wrong turn I have learned that it is ok, even if it seems right at the time I expect things to not always work out. I can expect the unexpected, it keeps life interesting and it keeps me trusting in the one thing that has truly never let me down {God}

No matter what and no matter when the unexpected happens I can let it destroy my spirit or let it push me to new discoveries and enjoy the life I was created for.

Sweet dreams

It amazes me when I think about how many hours of my day I spend sleeping. Sleep is something I literally could not live without. I do it everyday, it is part of my routine that i rarely stop to think about it's actual value. I mean I love my sleep but there is so much more to it. Getting into a comfy bed and closing my eyes a few hours pass I wake up and slowly climb out of my nest. Over and over I do the same thing but if it was that simple would it matter that much? Sleep recharges our body, it gives us energy and strength to live. While that is the most common reason for why sleep is good I suggest another as the most important reason. Sleep is where dreams come alive. When I go to sleep it is a place my mind takes over. The adventures I could only imagine (literally) come to life. I have always been a vivid dreamer and when I think back at some of the amazing dreams I have had it makes sleep that much better. There are no rules or restrictions in my mind only endless possibilities. When I go off into dream land it is almost as if my heart and head have a battle of wits. The desires of my heart compete with the logic in my head but instead of real life when logic has more influence, My heart takes my imagination on a wild ride. I could be a mermaid riding a unicorn with a pet phoenix or I could be more down to earth and dream of real life situations when I have the courage to say what I otherwise couldn't. The fact is in my dreams I can be anyone I want and can feel on top of the world. I can escape. When people tell me to follow my dreams I have never taken it as act out the dreams I have at night. I take it as A push to pursue the impossible. Strive for happiness because it is possible. Dreams aren't just something we create in our minds during REM sleep cycles when our brain is in a certain state. While scientifically that may be true emotionally people are way more intricate. Our feelings connect with our deepest secrets and in our sleep those secrets are revealed to give us hope and faith that anything is possible. I don't want to be a mermaid but in a way I want to be on the same level. I want to live a life that is so outrageous and out of the box that it is a life as unfathomable as someone being a mermaid. One of my old roommates used to tell me sweet dreams every night. I love that saying, it's the 'once upon a time' of dreams. The introduction to the extraordinary. When you wake up think about your dreams. Whether it was realistic or not use it as fuel for your imagination. Create your perfect dream and make it a reality. The only one who knows what is truly in your heart is you. The sweet dreams that are hidden away are meant to be discovered in real life. Life can be a fairy tale brought to life and enjoyed not just endured. So to my readers... Sweet dreams xx

Beauty

I have been reading a book, that in itself is a miracle, and it has blown me away with how it illustrates the beauty of a woman.

All women want to matter to someone, to feel important and loved. We are told that if your hair is just right or if you wear the latest trends you are accepted. The beauty on the inside takes second place and the longing to be beautiful revolves around the outward appearance. When in public the streets change from a means of transportation to a runway where your best efforts are put to the test. Many women use denial and say they truly believe what is on the inside is all they care about, to those women I ask them why is it when you go to a movie you find it necessary to put on make up, do your hair and find the perfect outfit? You will literally be sitting in a dark room for 2 hours and no one will see you. The fact is whether women want to admit it or not we care.

Caring about the outward appearance used to be a way women portrayed their confidence. Now when a woman looks perfect she is labeled as insecure and shallow and frowned upon by other people. We are told to focus on the inside and on the outside everyone is beautiful so it doesn't matter as much what you look like.

Seriously? Why is it wrong to just enjoy both? Some women use fashion to express themselves others get dolled up for pure enjoyment. When girls are little they get so excited when they get to dress up their dolls or try on mommies makeup. We like to feel feminine and show how we feel on the inside on the outside. I truly don't believe what is on the inside is all that matters. I don't mean that in a way that a woman's value is based on appearance but just because something matters it doesn't mean it is where value is rooted from. If the inside is all that counts was really true there would be no fashion industry no fad diets no 24hour gyms to get fit it would all be irrelevant. No matter if you are young or old how you value yourself is going to be affected by your outward appearance. But that is not the only thing looks are meant for. Looks and appearance are not just for status there is a balance.

There are so many women that consume themselves with appearance and that is when is crosses a boundary but women need to understand that there is nothing wrong with having your appearance as a focus.

I have been thinking back over the past few years and in my own life and in my friends lives. We have all had countless moments where we have emotional phone calls or emails with broken hearts striving for more. If only this was different or if that was better, we want to be satisfied but there is this voice pushing us forward saying there is always more. We try to take matters into our own hands changing things about ourselves or our situation to find a way to make things better. We want to live the best possible life we can but no matter how bad or good things are it is not enough. If we get bored we dye our hair or cut 18 inches off on a spontaneous trip to Switzerland (yes I unfortunately did this)

I could ramble for a long time but what I have realized is a woman's beauty is not just based on her appearance and her personality it is so much more than that. It has been broken down to two areas so girls can feel like they have accomplished at least one. Beauty is something that encompasses the entire essence of a woman, her gentle nurturing spirit. The way a woman comforts her friend through a rough patch in life when she herself is about to burst from heartache. There is beauty in the way a woman can be doing 10 things at once but still manage to remember the smallest details. There is beauty in the loudest booming laugh that may bring nothing but embarrassment, there is beauty in a woman when she can admit she is not ok and just needs to cry. These things are not typically used to describe beauty. When you ask someone to describe you things like loyal or kind are more common but I think it is time stereotypes and familiarity are broken. We need to change how we as women see ourselves. If you want to focus on feeling fantastic in everything you wear and your desire is to be size 0 go for it. Why is that anymore shallow than a woman who works on wall street wanting to make millions? In my opinion there is none. Women have different desires some are visible from the outside others not as much. We need to embrace the fact that beauty is more than a simple description of looks, it is a description of every single unique characteristic a woman portrays.

Embrace the things that make you you. Not to be all crazy feminist but to realize your version of beauty is going to be different than the next person. Your quirky habits as strange and bizarre they may seem they are beautiful in their own way.

I choose to embrace the fact that I am ridiculously organized and like to spend hours making spreadsheets. I embrace the fact that I like to clean when I am stressed and like to eat pancakes for dinner. I am me and no matter how big of a mess life can seem I am going to do what I can to enjoy it. It is in my DNA to strive for perfection, instead of beating myself up for it I am going to be the best me even on days when getting out of bed is an epic accomplishment. I will appreciate my worst and best traits and never stop pushing forward and never stop striving for the best.

Don't talk to strangers

When I was a kid I was taught don't don't talk to strangers, in fact I was told to avoid them. Times have changed, now most of the world revolves around starngers interacting. We actually want strangers to follow us! On twitter we get excited when some random like teenybopper_5 starts reading our clever thoughts. There are social networking sites like facebook for when you meet a person for 5 minutes and you are now "friends" or foursquare so people can legally stalk you. I work in business development and I spend hours upon hours a day finding information about potential contacts that my clients can do business with. They are all strangers but that doesn't matter. I have went from avoid strangers to talk to as many as possible.  


I thought about some of my closest friends and at one point they were all strangers to me. I knew absolutely nothing about them and they knew nothing about me but someone we connected. Now some of my friends know me better than I know myself. My perspective on whether strangers are bad or good has changed. As a kid if I didn't know you I politely smile but I will block you out like you were a 10 foot monster. Now in my wise old age I write my thought on the internet and openly let strangers in. Whether my mom reads this or some girl in Indonesia reads  my ramblings I am  not going to be affected any different. So what does that say about my view on strangers? Well in my opinion I love strangers! The fact that there are so many people out there that I don't know excites me. It means there is so much potential for more in the world. 


Recently one of my best friends started hanging out with this guy, they are still in the lovey dovey stages when    every time the phone vibrates she gets a smile and she gets butterflies or what I call the happy flu. Where things are perfect. I absolutely love that, it is what girls dream about when they are little about having someone think you are special and see the extraordinary person you are inside and out. When I see young love growing like that is makes me smile, neither of them were looking for affection out of desperation it came naturally (and unexpectedly). It is a love in its purest form, so selfless and beautiful. 


Unfortunately not all love is this way and some people battle with the desire to be loved and will do nearly anything to find it. The fact is people are people, some do more good than others and some do more bad but that doesn't affect whether I should love them or not. There is a MASSIVE difference between showing someone love and being in-love with them. With things like online dating and all this mushy gooshy hollywood crud love can be easily tainted. What I am saying is people want to be told they matter, people want to feel significant. So when people are shown the affection they crave they are going to be drawn towards it, sometimes no matter where it comes from. Living in a part of the world where over 50% of marriages end in divorce, people have been disillusioned by broken homes and left with an unquenchable desire to be wanted. "Don't talk to strangers" goes out the window and people go searching for the love that was absent in a home where you thought it should be. "Stranger" becomes irrelevant and feelings jump into the driver seat. The source of the affection becomes less of an issue and the love, even in its cheapest form, becomes the motivation.    


The desire for love is an overwhelming feeling and the search for it can be beyond destructive. Time after time I have spoke with people who started with rock solid standards and morals then as disappointment creeped in. As the people that were supposed to be there for them failed those morals slowly disintegrated. Strangers because the first ones they would talk to the ones they desired to be around because they got the temporary satisfaction they craved. 


When I meet new people I challenge myself not to look at them for who people have said they are or even who the person says they are. I look into their eyes, not in a creepy I shall read into your soul way but, to see what is behind the words and outward facade. Underneath no one is perfect every stranger you meet, every person you get to know will have something in common with the other 7 billion people on the planet.


Every single person on the planet is amazing, intricate and beautiful. Each one desires to be loved.


People want to be cherished so here is a challenge to you don't talk to strangers, listen to strangers and above absolutely everything else love them.      

Reality

When you are a kid people ask you what do you want to be when you grow up?


When you are graduating high school they ask you what are you going to do with your life?


When you are an adult people ask what are you doing with you life?


When you are wise and have a crown of silver hair people ask you what did you do with your life?

...

As a kid you can answer with anything you want, you could dream of being a mermaid or a cowboy they just smile and say you can do whatever you want. As you get a little older people start asking but expect a answer that they can wrap their minds around. They ask what are you going to do and a lot of time expect a five year plan consisting of university and your ideal career path like a teacher or doctor. What is your realistic plan? The expectation of your dreams are now supposed to be based on realistic goals and are you going to be able to pay the bills. When you are an adult and you meet someone new one of the first questions you get asked is "what do you do?". They don't want you to tell them what you do on weekends for fun they want to know what job is, part to learn more about you but also to reveal more about your status in society. Are you a corporate executive, do you work at wal-mart, or are you searching to find yourself (otherwise known as unemployed). When you are older people always want to find out about the adventures you lived,where did you go, what did you do, not what your job was they want to know what did you accomplish.


When you are a child you don't see limitations on what you can do. Life is this exciting thing where you can try new things, be anything you want and nothing stops you. When you get older your perspective changes, other factors come into play. Your focus is no longer solely on pleasure and excitement it becomes tainted with "is this realistic?".


Life becomes this cycle of work, home, family, sleep. Things may pop in every now and again to mix it up but broken down life has only a few small areas of focus. For some people the dreams in your heart my be part of your career or just life in general but sadly for the most part people's dreams are put on the side due to REALITY. 


I have put a lot of thought into reality. the meaning of it and the impact it has on individual lives.Something about it just bugs me, who was the person the created the term reality? A term that in itself restricts the human desires and passions with 4 syllables. I understand that some things take more time and work than others, that is reality but at the same time who creates the boundary for where reality becomes unrealistic? If you spoke to someone 50 years ago and talked to them about the technology that's around today they would think you are crazy. What about the advances in medicine or peoples rights? There have been so many things that have changed that they would have been defined as "unrealistic". Still someone had the courage to go against the grain and try it anyway. 


I have been told countless times in my life do whats in my heart and do what makes me happy. The challenge now is, am I willing to change my perspective on what people expect and follow that advice regardless of the outcome. Can I really wrap my head around the fact that I could lose some of the people closest to me?Am I willing to sacrifice everything? If I let reality be my main concern I have to say good bye to those dreams and passions inside. Why would I want that at all? 


The fear of being different and stepping outside the box becomes so great that the consequences of going after what you want becomes crippling. Is that really worth it? If the rules of reality become the focus because of fear then the world would be in danger of becoming uniform.  


Reality becomes the killer of dreams.        


I decided to take the word reality and look at it the way I see it. I changed my focus from the reality of the world to the perspective of how God sees it. My reality is not determined by my current circumstance but by my choices and God's outcome. I want my eye to be on positive thinking, to be about whether it is going to matter in the end. So when I am old and grey and someone asks me to tell them about my life I don't tell them about my 9-5 office job or how much debt I was in or the crappy car I had. When they ask me about my life I want to tell them about the people I loved, the dreams I thought were ridiculous and people told me were too far fetched were only the beginning. I am so tired of talking to people who have dreams but put them on the side because reality told them they couldn't do it. IT breaks my heart to think of how many people gave up on what they really wanted or believed in. I don't want to be someone who falls into the category of putting my dreams so far on the back burner I forget what they are. 


My reality says I have a choice to go above and beyond, dreams and passions are not feelings but ideas to be put into action.  My perspective is not going to fall into line with reality but be altered to see the endless possibilities my life can have when my heart's desires are in the driver's seat.

My focus is not on the success but on significance 

up again

When something rough happens life has told us that it can only get better. 

Now something good has to happen to balance it out. 

Unfortunately that isn't a true fact. Good things happen and bad things happen, there isn't a formula to calculate when they are going to happen. You can't even have a perfect way to deal with it when the bad stuff comes. There are clichés that tell you hard times will build you character and as frustrating as that is, it's true. 

When good things happen how do you know it's good? it may help you progress in life or it makes you feel good but how do you even know that? You have to compare it to something bad to notice a difference. The reality is good things happen but you wouldn't notice how much of a blessing they are unless you have faced a challenge. 

When something bad happens you recognize it because there is an absence of good.

It can be so frustrating when there is something I strive for and I fall short or circumstances don't seem to go in my favour. Does it make it easier knowing that I have hope in something better? honestly sometimes it can be too hard to see the up side. There are times when I have to will myself to get back up again, it won't come naturally but I can choose to persevere. 

A great book called the bible says 

endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope 

by making a choice to keep pushing forward I am not making everything better but I am taking one step closer to it. 

Then when the good stuff happens I know that I didn't get so overwhelmed by the bad that I couldn't enjoy the good times.  

what highway?

someone asked me why is your blog called the end of the highway the other day, i say that is a valid question that I shall answer publicly. 


I could make up some inspirational story about how life is a journey and you need to enjoy every moment because one day it will all end. now while that is all good and true the truth is a little less exciting.


basically I was at my friend Nicky's place and we were sitting around a fire making hot dogs (so disgusting) we were talking about how we were going to stay in contact after high school and decided we would start blog's. so brillaint. we started thinking about names and tried our hardest to be creative. then Nicky told me about this guy she worked with who thought he was ridiculously funny and how he tried to tell her a joke but forgot the punchline. later that day he remembered and told her it was the end of the highway. the joke still wasn't funny but for some reason we all found it hysterical and thus my blog was born.


  

the pit of despair

life has moments that suck...like seriously royally suck where I feel like digging a hole and giving up. 


sometimes it can be so rough it feels hopeless like nothing I do or say will be able to make it better, my circumstances are what they are and regardless of my efforts there is no way out. 

...

I realized something today.

that is SO stupid. 

genuinely if I really think life is hopeless I need to take a step back and get a grip. feeling hopeless is the most crippling feeling but there is a way out.

hope is defined as the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best

No one can force you to believe something, you have to make the choice whether you believe it or not. now the only way I am able to recognize hopelessness in the first place is because of the fact that I recognize a lack of hope. meaning at one point I did have hope and if hope is a feeling it cannot just disappear and be completely non existent. just like when you are sad it doesn't mean you will never be happy again 

In the princess bride (one of my all time FAVORITE movies) there is a scene in the pit of despair (it is basically a torture chamber)inigo montoya and fezzik find wesley dead. Now first off the albino that looked after the pit said no one knew how to get in but in a miraculous way they still got it. better yet when they found wesley "dead" in the pit it turns out he was only mostly dead and they were able to revive him with the help of miracle max. yes i understand that is a completely ridiculous and unrealistic possibility from a movie made in the 80's but my point is even in the midst of death they had hope. 

The pit of despair looked like the end but it wasn't. when i get knocked down because of life circumstances I don have to stop and give up I can get back up. I may be bruised and a little sore but regardless I can cling to the fact that I do have hope. whether my hope is running on low or through the roof... 

I will never have no hope.  

  

Narwhal Syndrome

When monday morning rolls around and I think about how far away the weekend seems it can really put a dent in my motivation. I am 100% without a shadow of a doubt not a morning person. 

For those people that can spring out of bed with a thought in their mind besides 18 more hours till I can sleep again I tip my hat to you. There is just something in me that refuses to enjoy the fact that I have to venture out of my peaceful state of sleep. 

I started thinking about that this morning during my zombie hour. {My zombie hour is basically a part of my morning when my eyes are still puffy, I am contemplating going back to bed, when my vocal chords refuse to work and my normally violently happy face wants to slap anyone that tries to make conversation}Now regardless of the fact that I do not enjoy having to wake up and crawl out of my ridiculously warm, soft, and comfy bed I still need to do it. The bottom line is I am so blessed to get up every morning and know that I have a job to go to, I have a variety of deliciously nutritious breakfast options and a plethora of tea's in my cupboard. 

I am not saying I can just flip a switch and from now on I am going to wake up like Cinderella singing to the birds and dancing around. What I can do though is make the most of my days and focus on the good moments. As human beings we feel the need to fix things that are broken, perfect the things we are good at, and be great at as much as we can. I could say I am going to work really hard at being a morning person but the chances of that happening are about the same as me tuning into a narwhal.Now I can go crazy trying to make the chances of me becoming a morning person higher than me turning into a mystical creature but that would be such a waste of time.  

Introducing Narwhal Syndrome. Narwhal Syndrome is simply defined as the obsessive desire to be perfect. Why Narwhal Syndrome? well as I said before the chances of me becoming a narwhal are ZERO just like that chances of you being perfect at everything. For me narwhal syndrome rears its head when I look at becoming a morning person. For others it may be something way more intense and affects you to the core. No matter what your root may be it is something you can still face. It can be broken down simply good verse bad...negative verse positive. You can look at your issue and think I have to be better, I have to fix it or you can look at it and say does the fact that I am not perfect in everything really define me. You are going to have blemishes but what about the amazing things that make you you and the things that your friends and loved ones couldn't live without?

People strive to be the best and if we can't be the best we are told we can't succeed find something new. We then have this messed up complex that we are not good enough or something is wrong. We put on these masks that cover up what we think is horribly wrong with us so others will think everything is ok. The fact is you are never going to be perfect. It is a little harsh and can hit a sore spot for some people but its the truth. Think about what is in your face that you feel you have failed at. If you try and be perfect at it you are going to be disappointed. Don't let Narwhal syndrome creep in and hold you back. 

I royally suck at mornings and I can accept that, I don't let it affect me (most of the time). I have way bigger fish to fry than focus on one little thing that's not perfect. Instead I look at the fact that I am pretty damn good at other things. I am not going to kill myself trying everyday to perfect things but I am going to try my best and be satisfied with my best. 

Mornings still suck but instead of focusing on the fact that I want to make a law against waking up before the sun I contemplate life and blog posts that random strangers are going to read. I sip my cup of tea and get on with my day. 

{happy}

If you were to ask me what do I want in life I couldn't give you a long drawn out plan or dream. It wouldn't be to have a million dollars or a nice house and the perfect job it is simply to be happy. Don't get me wrong while having all those things would be great and probably make life simpler it's not really what matters at the end of the day.

I may be young and not have had many crazy life experiences but one thing I have learned is happiness isn't based on your circumstances happiness is a choice. You make a choice to let your circumstances define your happiness, if you have lots of money in the bank things are okay if you have no money in the bank things are rough and hard and you don't know how you're going to get by your upset all the time people are affected your whole life is affected because of one circumstance. But what about the good circumstances? what about the people in your life that you care about what about the things you have to live for the things ahead of you. When I look back at my life I've had some rough times but then I looked at the good times and those make all the bad times so worth it.

The bad times made me who I am and the good times define who I am. it doesn't matter what happens today or tomorrow what matters is the choice and I choose to be happy I choose to live life to the full and I choose to be the best me I can be. Not because that's what people say you're supposed to do but because that's how life is supposed to be.

Life is going to be hard the unexpected can happen and sometimes you can't be in control but love is worth it God is worth it. Having hope that even though it's tough for now it can to get better is worth it.

Life is an adventure it's not supposed to be suffered through or endured or just having to go through it it's getting to go through it it's getting to experience things and meet new people and do amazing things it's about finding adventure. It's about finding the good in people and finding good in a world that is so messed up but so beautiful.

If you can look at your life and see even a glimmer of goodness choose that because only you can control you ,only you can make the choice to be happy. It isn't always easy to be happy it isn't always easy to make that choice but just think that one smile you give someone in the street or that extra hello Or how you doing to the person at Starbucks could change someone's life because you made the choice to be happy. Someone could feel love for the first time feel like someone cares because of one decision you made. Don't do it because it makes you feel good about yourself simply do it for one reason. We are called to make a difference.

Not everyone can cure cancer but everyone can smile. Anyone can choose to be happy

Another day

If I tried to count how many times I have changed my mind in my lifetime I wouldn't ever be able to even be close. The reality is I change my mind ALL THE TIME! I make a decision and then circumstances change or someone will put their two cents in and I re evaluate again and again. I have spent countless hours debating whether that is right or wrong and ironically I have changed my mind on the answer to that numerous times.

A question I have is why does it truly matter?

Yes in life we all have to make decisions on a daily basis some more important than others, but isn't that what life about? Living a life that reflects who you are and what you believe. I can change my mind a billion and one times but ultimately I need to end up in a place where my life is reflecting me, not just me though it needs to reflecting the God that Is inside me. When I am at a crossroad in life whether that may be white or whole wheat (whole wheat by the way) or something that I have faced everyday for the past little while, England or Canada ultimately it doesn't actually matter.

What does matter though is where my heart is and where I have put my trust. No matter if it's a good day or a bad day God is still the same, all I have to do is chose him and everything else will fall into place. It may not make sense but it's just another day, another choice, another moment when I can let go and just be happy.

Better late then never

So blogging during this trip hasn't really happened. I have made a video everyday but I haven't uploaded them so I will do that once I go to an Internet cafe at some point.

So the trip so far summed up has been amazing! I have seen so many incredible places and sights and feel so beyond blessed. The best part of the trip so far was definitely Naples and seeing the whole city from the top of a mountain. It was absolutely stunning, definitely in the top 10 coolest things I have ever seen.

The videos will have all the details of every city but I want to share about the number one most phenomenal part of this trip. In one word, God. When I am alone especially for longer periods of time I begin to think a lot and with no distractions the attention that God deserves from me is put on the top of my to do list. Basically I have had a week and a half of no one to talk to except Him and it has been amazing! My God is becoming my best friend all over again, someone I can talk to all the time and never want to stop.

I can get so consumed with the seriousness of issues people face in life. The hurt the pain all the crud, that the good stuff seems to come second place. So easily forgetting the fact that God said in John 10:10 he wants us to live life to the full. Not just strive to be ok but to go above an beyond. Yes if there is hurt or things that truly hold you back bring them to God but he wants us to enjoy life. He wants us to have fun, experience new places, meet new people. I guess realising that he created fun in itself shook me enough to just let loose and enjoy every little detail. I mean there are some funky looking things on this planet God has to have a pretty good sense of humour.

Well I am off to explore Tuscany tomorrow do farewell! enjoy some tidbits of my adventure in picture form.

Once upon a time

Fairy tales always start with once upon a time and with how I am feeling it fits perfect! Ahead of me are 4 weeks of excitement and adventure and I am stoked! There are so many things I want to do and see that I don't know what I am most excited for.

After a crazy day of trains, planes and automobiles I am in Istanbul!

Customs was crazy people pushing and shoving. When you are waiting in line people literally just stand in front of you. The poor old lady behind me couldn't cope and was nearly in tears. I had to put my Canadian politeness aside and throw a couple elbows to get through. After that chaos I got my bag and headed through the city.

Turkey is the only country in the world that is on two continents which is pretty rad. I took the metro across the bosphorus river where the border is meaning today I have been in Europe and Asia which is pretty cool.

My hostel is awesome it has a roof top balcony that looks over the whole city. Pictures to come tomorrow when it is light out but I will give one sneak peek.

As a final exciting tid bit about me I was inspired a few years ago by a close friend and I started collecting maps. Old, new, any map really so any city I visit I get a map to remember where I have been. Tomorrow the hunt begins so fingers crossed for a sweet new addition for my collection

I am absolutely shattered so I am calling it an early night so I can be ready for an early 8am start to explore this beautiful city.

604

Today marks 604 days in the UK. I could write a cheesy heartwarming message to everyone and talk about all my favourite memories from England. Now while those memories are all absolutely incredible that is not all I am leaving England with. I have learned time and time again no matter what situation I face whether good or bad, to keep pushing forward. Take what you have learned and go for it with all you got.

The things that I learned about myself, relationships, and God are things that have literally changed my life forever! I thought I had a lot of things sorted and my life was all together. However I was constantly reminded that I am never finished and I absolutely love it! My God is so not boring and wants nothing but the best and anyone who things Christianity is boring needs to seriously take a second to think because that is the last word I would use to describe him. He is always teaching me new things giving me mind blowing opportunities and experiences that leave me in awe.

Since I was a little girl I have wanted to see the world and in 5 1/2 hours from now I embark on an adventure I never
thought would or could happen. The dream I have had in my heart is coming true! Not when I am retired or decided to settle down but when I am 21 and flipping loving life! I get to see some of the most beautiful places in the world and not on tv or in a book but in real life.

When people would tell me God cares about the little things I didn't really get what they meant. But I have come to realise it means he cares about absolutely everything about me and everything about you. Not so he can point a finger but so that he can bless you and help you have a life that is so much better than I could have ever imagined for myself.

I am so excited for what is next so stay tuned.

Next stop ISTANBUL!

Challenge Accepted

After a phenomenal day at my dads house (aka church) I had some time to sit and think about the insane wisdom that is concentrated in one place. It is not about a competition of which church is the best it is about the simple fact that God uses willing people who are devoted to him. Really there needs to be loads of different churches because people relate to God in loads of different ways. Plus it would be incredibly inconvenient to have one church on the planet, talk about a long commute.

Moving forward I was thinking about what was shared today about building relationships that are healthy by being selfless, amongst many other things. Selfless was the one that stuck out the most to me because it is something that seems to be so rare in this day and age. It was on my mind pretty much all day when coincidently this evening this was expanded on even more which was perfect! I went on my way thinking I had given it enough thought when I got into a conversation with a friend about hearing God's voice.

I didn't see the connection at first but like with many Christian principles they came together beautifully. When I heard God tell me to move to Bradford I ignored it and did everything I could to try and convince myself it wasn't God. With how intelligent I am I genuinely thought I could out smart myself and go against what I knew God was telling me. It was a
Jonah and Nineveh type situation. I was being completely self centred and focused on what I wanted when the very name of a Christian means to be Christ like. So I say I want to be like Christ yet I am ignoring him, incredibly stupid if I do say so myself. God knew that neon in Bradford would challenge me and help me to grow in so many ways but I was so focused on where I was in the moment I was distracted and couldn't see the big picture. Thankfully I gave in but sometimes i have to admit I have ignored his voice and went my own way and yeah sometimes it has worked out but it could have been so much better if I would have just listened to him in the first place.

Recently I made a massive decision to move back to Canada. I found it really difficult to go with my heart and say it was time to move on to the next adventure. In all honesty it just seemed to hard to go back and start all over when I knew full well it would be hard but I was hurting myself by not listening to what He was telling me to do.

I have learned that my brain can work in ways that I can't describe and will somehow create insane scenarios with what ifs and shoulda woulda couldas. So I made myself a challenge, not just any challenge but one that makes me nervous at just the look if the words I am typing. I am going to completely do what ever God says WHEN ever he says it.

Now whether you read that and think um duh you are a Christian you are supposed to that or look at me and think I am a religious freak that is completely ok with me. No matter what your opinion I am consciously making a decision to listen and act according to His plan.

I am talking everything, those times when you are walking in town and you see someone you know you should stop and talk to but keep walking. Your family or close friends you have fallen out with and apologising even if you are right. Choosing not to eat the entire bag of chips because you know your body is a temple of Christ not a storing ground for crud. Every small thing I am making myself a challenge to be like Jim Carey in yes man. Minus the freaky cult like speaker of course. I challenger myself to listen to his voice even when it seems totally and utterly impossible. Who knows what God has in store or how many more countries I will visit or live in. Whatever the case I say yes to the challenge and I will follow with everything I am.

Simplicity

with 10 days left in england a tsunami of thoughts, emotions and possibilities flood my mind. 


I sit letting Bon Iver serenade me while I plan out my european adventure. Sometimes that can be a slight problem, I spend so much time being in control and planning that I miss what is in front of my face. I can be completely honest about that because there are thousands of people on the planet just like me. They want to do so many exciting things with their life. We want to travel, have new experiences, meet new people, fall in love but we are so busy trying t figure out how and when that is going to happen that we miss out on the simplicity that is life. 


Yes I used life and simplicity in the same sentence. You are welcome to disagree but I believe life can be simple. The problem is we want to make it more complicated than it needs to be. One of my favorite things in the ENTIRE world is to star gaze. I can sit and watch the stars for hours on end and one of the best parts is it is entirely free. I don't need to have a big master plan for when or where I just know that the stars are there. It is simple, straight forward, it's just there.


Ultimately in life we can let go of the issues and this incredible thing can happen...you can have an unexplainable peace. Your stress goes away and all you have to do it one thing.


Make a choice. 


The choice is giving up. I am not saying give up on dreams or passions or having the things you want in life but giving up on trying to be in control of every little thing that happens. 


Sounds amazing right? not having to worry or stress. So if that is the end result how do you get there. Step one choose life in Christ and step two leave it with him. It is a daily battle, don't get me wrong, to give the control to him and leave it with him isn't always easy but it is so worth it.  


Paul said he needed to die daily to himself, making a decision to do what ever God asked him to do and follow His lead. Was he perfect? no but we can learn from his example though. He had a wacked out life but he chose to make the right decision in the end. He was able to turn things around by giving up to the call of Christ. He didn't do it on his own he did with his best friend God. 


...


that is thought of the day, today I choose to give up. I give up to follow His lead and enjoy a cup of tea. I chose to enjoy the simple things. 

good day

I am returning to my long lost love

My Blog <3 

now as life has  played out over the past few months I have learned many things one being I do not like cold. Unless it is for an incredible purpose like ice cream or snow it really has no place. 

Second I get ridiculously restless when  I am sick and all  I can do is lay around and watch TV. 

Third that I am SO ready to move back to Canada!

I have thoroughly enjoyed living in England and have met some legendary people, traveled to some stunning places, and over all had a life changing experience but the reality of it is...

-I am ready for my next adventure-

I want to see new places, meet new people, try new food, take cool pictures to brag about, live through crazy experiences that I will question sharing with other people. The world is a big place and I am so desperate to see it and to do extra ordinary things. I was not wired to live a mediocre life and just wake up in the morning to get by or to work a 9-5 job with 33 days of holiday where the only exciting thing that happens is getting a pay check.  I may be nieve but I do not believe in settling for what society tells me is the so called "reality" of life. Frankly the life I have lived so far has proved that Completely wrong (with a capital C). Life is meant to be exciting and yes there are responsibilities and working to make a living is one of those things but if actors and musicians can get payed millions if not billions of dollars in their lifetime why can't I do something I enjoy and live my life above and beyond what I dream.  The answer is I can! 

England has taught me many things one of those things is the world, people, society, what ever you want to call it tells you that life is supposed to be a certain way and that is how the world goes round but I choose to not listen to that ridiculous stipulation and choose to live a live where I take risks and if I fall flat on my  face I will ook at the upside. I will have a wicked awesome scar and try something else. 

well thats all for now folks.

Cheers! 

The city of pot and porn

I have so much excitement for Amsterdam! Not for either of the reasons in the title of this post but because it will be my 8th country thus year! It's not 10 but it's close and u may slip in one or two more :)

Anyway I am so excited number one to just get away, have fun with a friend, and to see a new place.

Also the fact that the res light district is so massive there I am curious to see it because in a few years trafficking grill be illegal so it will be cool to say that I saw it before hand. It may sound ridiculous to some but I completely believe that. Human trafficking is absolutely horrific and the fact that some pimps get away with displaying girls in store windows makes me want to vomit. I will see an end to trafficking in my life time and I can't wait to see that day.

On another note I am excites to see Amsterdam itself. From what I have rad and heard its a beautiful city with so much to see.

Stories and pictures COMING SOON!

Wow

So last night I had the privilege of attending the last of the 5 fundraising dinners that Christians Against Poverty hosted. Fair enough it was for work but still I felt so privileged to be there. It was amazing to see how generous people were.

We raised £237,000 in one night and in total over the past year a total of £898,000 that is absolutely ridiculous!

I still can't believe I work at such an incredible place. Not only does it help people get out of debt, peoples lives are changed for eternity. We see people start a new life with God and see transformations on a daily basis.

I simply love my job.

One moment is all it takes

When I get stressed or overwhelmed, which seems to happen a fair amount these days. It amazes me how long I take to remember to trust in what God is doing. In one moment I can go from insanely bazerk to remarkably calm.

So yet again note to self God is bigger - he literally knows everything

What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. (Matthew 10:29 NLT)

Now!

I am so restless I want to see more of the world now!!

Somewhere hot

Somewhere new

Somewhere exciting

One moment is all it takes

When I get stressed or overwhelmed, which seems to happen a fair amount these days. It amazes me how long I take to remember to trust in what God is doing. In one moment I can go from insanely bazerk to remarkably calm.

So yet again note to self God is bigger - he literally knows everything

What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. (Matthew 10:29 NLT)

His L.O.V.E.

No matter how many times I think about it God's love never seems to get any less extraordinary. His love covers all, defeats all, and can never be measured or compared to anything in the universe.

An absolutely amazing man of God wrote a song that is on my top favourite songs of all time that should be the cry of every person's heart

I need your love
I need you love
More than anything
You are my everything
Father

His love is so incredible and whether I I am having the best day or worst day of my life his live is still the same.

It is flipping AMAZING!

Moving up on the list

So my blogging has been extremely neglected but now that I have a new phone it shall be of more importance.

Here is a picture for you to enjoy

LSHMSFOAIDMT

Brilliant

run the race

I have heard numerous times life compared to running a race. This has had me thinking over the past little while. When I think of a race I think of elementary school track meets. It was one of the best days of the year because you got to skip a day of school to be a kid and literally run in circles...well ovals. Then I think of marathons, which shockingly enough comes up a lot in my life with a insanely determined boss who is running 15 marathons in 17 days.  That on the other hand does not seem like as much fun. Then there are those moments when it may be a short race but can feel like hours, when you see a friend you haven't seen in a long time and you run to embrace and things move in sow motion and there is sappy music in the background. well maybe not the end bits but you get the picture. There are so many types of races yet society seems to put it into one mod. School - Career - Family - Retire - DIE. My example may not be completely accurate but generally it is along those lines and that then equals a successful life. 

Now why this analogy of races and deep meaningful life situations well it really roots from one thing. The wonderful addicting world of facebook. It give millions of people access to see where your race or in my opinion races have taken you. Are you still the same person you were in high school? Are you in a successful career? are you getting married? having children? travelling the world? there are so many options but it can be so interesting to see where people are. At the same time it can be hard not to compare and have the big 

WHAT IF?

what if I had made this decision, what if I had done this instead of that. They are all logical questions but simply ridiculous. Your life is the way it is, if you are not happy with where you are at you can make decisions to change your circumstances. Don't et your circumstances change you. Know that you never have to be content or stuck and you don't have to be anyone you don't want to be. Now this rant is as much to myself as it is to anyone else but it is so important that we as people chose what race to run and when it is ok to sit and be happy with where we are at and enjoy the scenery. 

I think I am going to go to an airport and buy a ticket for the next available flight.

just for the sake of adventure

just go

just have fun and be spontaneous

just live