Some days are easier than others
yesterday was one of those brutal days that took way too long to be over. It dragged on and on not giving me much inspiration. Most days when I am happy or I have learned something new I will feel more up to blogging or talking to friends or just doing something more than sitting on my couch. Since that day wasn't yesterday I thought I would be real and give it a go on a day that the darker parts of me are out for the world to see. The thing is even though I know 100% that I am not alone in this world and there are so many people on the planet it doesn't change the heart wrenching feelings of isolation. I recently had a conversation with a friend and the both of us were surprised when we discovered that some of our biggest fears were mutual. We had both been under the impression that we were the only people struggling with it but in one single moment we felt a weight lifted knowing even if there was no one else we had each other to lean on. It didn't make the fear go away, it almost became a little scarier knowing someone was aware of my vulnerabilities.
Life is going to have days that weigh me down where the thoughts in my head drown out the ones in my heart. Some days when no matter how hard I try the struggle is to much. It is in those days that I see the worst parts of myself and after quite a few of those I have realized something amazing. If that is my worst point I am doing pretty good for myself. I could look at the crap and let that overwhelm me or I can look at the fact it hasn't completely knocked me down and use the last ounce of strength to take the next step.
My performance and striving for perfection is not necessarily going to be the best thing to focus on. Beating myself up for it is definitely not going to help the situation. I do know that even though it seems impossible a lot of the time I can look at the fact that tomorrow is a new day. I don't forget what happened the day before or ignore the facts but I can try to make the most of it.
So that is what I have decided to do, yesterday sucked and if I wanted I could let that roll over into today too. Or I can make the decision to use the small parts of me that want more than that to shine through. I am not going to be dancing around the office with a smile on my face but I am going to get a cup of tea and do what I can to make today the best I can. Today won't be perfect, it may not even be good it could balance out at OK but as a very wise fish once said "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming"
yesterday was one of those brutal days that took way too long to be over. It dragged on and on not giving me much inspiration. Most days when I am happy or I have learned something new I will feel more up to blogging or talking to friends or just doing something more than sitting on my couch. Since that day wasn't yesterday I thought I would be real and give it a go on a day that the darker parts of me are out for the world to see. The thing is even though I know 100% that I am not alone in this world and there are so many people on the planet it doesn't change the heart wrenching feelings of isolation. I recently had a conversation with a friend and the both of us were surprised when we discovered that some of our biggest fears were mutual. We had both been under the impression that we were the only people struggling with it but in one single moment we felt a weight lifted knowing even if there was no one else we had each other to lean on. It didn't make the fear go away, it almost became a little scarier knowing someone was aware of my vulnerabilities.
Life is going to have days that weigh me down where the thoughts in my head drown out the ones in my heart. Some days when no matter how hard I try the struggle is to much. It is in those days that I see the worst parts of myself and after quite a few of those I have realized something amazing. If that is my worst point I am doing pretty good for myself. I could look at the crap and let that overwhelm me or I can look at the fact it hasn't completely knocked me down and use the last ounce of strength to take the next step.
My performance and striving for perfection is not necessarily going to be the best thing to focus on. Beating myself up for it is definitely not going to help the situation. I do know that even though it seems impossible a lot of the time I can look at the fact that tomorrow is a new day. I don't forget what happened the day before or ignore the facts but I can try to make the most of it.
So that is what I have decided to do, yesterday sucked and if I wanted I could let that roll over into today too. Or I can make the decision to use the small parts of me that want more than that to shine through. I am not going to be dancing around the office with a smile on my face but I am going to get a cup of tea and do what I can to make today the best I can. Today won't be perfect, it may not even be good it could balance out at OK but as a very wise fish once said "just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming"
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