Don't talk to strangers

When I was a kid I was taught don't don't talk to strangers, in fact I was told to avoid them. Times have changed, now most of the world revolves around starngers interacting. We actually want strangers to follow us! On twitter we get excited when some random like teenybopper_5 starts reading our clever thoughts. There are social networking sites like facebook for when you meet a person for 5 minutes and you are now "friends" or foursquare so people can legally stalk you. I work in business development and I spend hours upon hours a day finding information about potential contacts that my clients can do business with. They are all strangers but that doesn't matter. I have went from avoid strangers to talk to as many as possible.  


I thought about some of my closest friends and at one point they were all strangers to me. I knew absolutely nothing about them and they knew nothing about me but someone we connected. Now some of my friends know me better than I know myself. My perspective on whether strangers are bad or good has changed. As a kid if I didn't know you I politely smile but I will block you out like you were a 10 foot monster. Now in my wise old age I write my thought on the internet and openly let strangers in. Whether my mom reads this or some girl in Indonesia reads  my ramblings I am  not going to be affected any different. So what does that say about my view on strangers? Well in my opinion I love strangers! The fact that there are so many people out there that I don't know excites me. It means there is so much potential for more in the world. 


Recently one of my best friends started hanging out with this guy, they are still in the lovey dovey stages when    every time the phone vibrates she gets a smile and she gets butterflies or what I call the happy flu. Where things are perfect. I absolutely love that, it is what girls dream about when they are little about having someone think you are special and see the extraordinary person you are inside and out. When I see young love growing like that is makes me smile, neither of them were looking for affection out of desperation it came naturally (and unexpectedly). It is a love in its purest form, so selfless and beautiful. 


Unfortunately not all love is this way and some people battle with the desire to be loved and will do nearly anything to find it. The fact is people are people, some do more good than others and some do more bad but that doesn't affect whether I should love them or not. There is a MASSIVE difference between showing someone love and being in-love with them. With things like online dating and all this mushy gooshy hollywood crud love can be easily tainted. What I am saying is people want to be told they matter, people want to feel significant. So when people are shown the affection they crave they are going to be drawn towards it, sometimes no matter where it comes from. Living in a part of the world where over 50% of marriages end in divorce, people have been disillusioned by broken homes and left with an unquenchable desire to be wanted. "Don't talk to strangers" goes out the window and people go searching for the love that was absent in a home where you thought it should be. "Stranger" becomes irrelevant and feelings jump into the driver seat. The source of the affection becomes less of an issue and the love, even in its cheapest form, becomes the motivation.    


The desire for love is an overwhelming feeling and the search for it can be beyond destructive. Time after time I have spoke with people who started with rock solid standards and morals then as disappointment creeped in. As the people that were supposed to be there for them failed those morals slowly disintegrated. Strangers because the first ones they would talk to the ones they desired to be around because they got the temporary satisfaction they craved. 


When I meet new people I challenge myself not to look at them for who people have said they are or even who the person says they are. I look into their eyes, not in a creepy I shall read into your soul way but, to see what is behind the words and outward facade. Underneath no one is perfect every stranger you meet, every person you get to know will have something in common with the other 7 billion people on the planet.


Every single person on the planet is amazing, intricate and beautiful. Each one desires to be loved.


People want to be cherished so here is a challenge to you don't talk to strangers, listen to strangers and above absolutely everything else love them.      

Reality

When you are a kid people ask you what do you want to be when you grow up?


When you are graduating high school they ask you what are you going to do with your life?


When you are an adult people ask what are you doing with you life?


When you are wise and have a crown of silver hair people ask you what did you do with your life?

...

As a kid you can answer with anything you want, you could dream of being a mermaid or a cowboy they just smile and say you can do whatever you want. As you get a little older people start asking but expect a answer that they can wrap their minds around. They ask what are you going to do and a lot of time expect a five year plan consisting of university and your ideal career path like a teacher or doctor. What is your realistic plan? The expectation of your dreams are now supposed to be based on realistic goals and are you going to be able to pay the bills. When you are an adult and you meet someone new one of the first questions you get asked is "what do you do?". They don't want you to tell them what you do on weekends for fun they want to know what job is, part to learn more about you but also to reveal more about your status in society. Are you a corporate executive, do you work at wal-mart, or are you searching to find yourself (otherwise known as unemployed). When you are older people always want to find out about the adventures you lived,where did you go, what did you do, not what your job was they want to know what did you accomplish.


When you are a child you don't see limitations on what you can do. Life is this exciting thing where you can try new things, be anything you want and nothing stops you. When you get older your perspective changes, other factors come into play. Your focus is no longer solely on pleasure and excitement it becomes tainted with "is this realistic?".


Life becomes this cycle of work, home, family, sleep. Things may pop in every now and again to mix it up but broken down life has only a few small areas of focus. For some people the dreams in your heart my be part of your career or just life in general but sadly for the most part people's dreams are put on the side due to REALITY. 


I have put a lot of thought into reality. the meaning of it and the impact it has on individual lives.Something about it just bugs me, who was the person the created the term reality? A term that in itself restricts the human desires and passions with 4 syllables. I understand that some things take more time and work than others, that is reality but at the same time who creates the boundary for where reality becomes unrealistic? If you spoke to someone 50 years ago and talked to them about the technology that's around today they would think you are crazy. What about the advances in medicine or peoples rights? There have been so many things that have changed that they would have been defined as "unrealistic". Still someone had the courage to go against the grain and try it anyway. 


I have been told countless times in my life do whats in my heart and do what makes me happy. The challenge now is, am I willing to change my perspective on what people expect and follow that advice regardless of the outcome. Can I really wrap my head around the fact that I could lose some of the people closest to me?Am I willing to sacrifice everything? If I let reality be my main concern I have to say good bye to those dreams and passions inside. Why would I want that at all? 


The fear of being different and stepping outside the box becomes so great that the consequences of going after what you want becomes crippling. Is that really worth it? If the rules of reality become the focus because of fear then the world would be in danger of becoming uniform.  


Reality becomes the killer of dreams.        


I decided to take the word reality and look at it the way I see it. I changed my focus from the reality of the world to the perspective of how God sees it. My reality is not determined by my current circumstance but by my choices and God's outcome. I want my eye to be on positive thinking, to be about whether it is going to matter in the end. So when I am old and grey and someone asks me to tell them about my life I don't tell them about my 9-5 office job or how much debt I was in or the crappy car I had. When they ask me about my life I want to tell them about the people I loved, the dreams I thought were ridiculous and people told me were too far fetched were only the beginning. I am so tired of talking to people who have dreams but put them on the side because reality told them they couldn't do it. IT breaks my heart to think of how many people gave up on what they really wanted or believed in. I don't want to be someone who falls into the category of putting my dreams so far on the back burner I forget what they are. 


My reality says I have a choice to go above and beyond, dreams and passions are not feelings but ideas to be put into action.  My perspective is not going to fall into line with reality but be altered to see the endless possibilities my life can have when my heart's desires are in the driver's seat.

My focus is not on the success but on significance 

up again

When something rough happens life has told us that it can only get better. 

Now something good has to happen to balance it out. 

Unfortunately that isn't a true fact. Good things happen and bad things happen, there isn't a formula to calculate when they are going to happen. You can't even have a perfect way to deal with it when the bad stuff comes. There are clichés that tell you hard times will build you character and as frustrating as that is, it's true. 

When good things happen how do you know it's good? it may help you progress in life or it makes you feel good but how do you even know that? You have to compare it to something bad to notice a difference. The reality is good things happen but you wouldn't notice how much of a blessing they are unless you have faced a challenge. 

When something bad happens you recognize it because there is an absence of good.

It can be so frustrating when there is something I strive for and I fall short or circumstances don't seem to go in my favour. Does it make it easier knowing that I have hope in something better? honestly sometimes it can be too hard to see the up side. There are times when I have to will myself to get back up again, it won't come naturally but I can choose to persevere. 

A great book called the bible says 

endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope 

by making a choice to keep pushing forward I am not making everything better but I am taking one step closer to it. 

Then when the good stuff happens I know that I didn't get so overwhelmed by the bad that I couldn't enjoy the good times.  

what highway?

someone asked me why is your blog called the end of the highway the other day, i say that is a valid question that I shall answer publicly. 


I could make up some inspirational story about how life is a journey and you need to enjoy every moment because one day it will all end. now while that is all good and true the truth is a little less exciting.


basically I was at my friend Nicky's place and we were sitting around a fire making hot dogs (so disgusting) we were talking about how we were going to stay in contact after high school and decided we would start blog's. so brillaint. we started thinking about names and tried our hardest to be creative. then Nicky told me about this guy she worked with who thought he was ridiculously funny and how he tried to tell her a joke but forgot the punchline. later that day he remembered and told her it was the end of the highway. the joke still wasn't funny but for some reason we all found it hysterical and thus my blog was born.


  

the pit of despair

life has moments that suck...like seriously royally suck where I feel like digging a hole and giving up. 


sometimes it can be so rough it feels hopeless like nothing I do or say will be able to make it better, my circumstances are what they are and regardless of my efforts there is no way out. 

...

I realized something today.

that is SO stupid. 

genuinely if I really think life is hopeless I need to take a step back and get a grip. feeling hopeless is the most crippling feeling but there is a way out.

hope is defined as the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best

No one can force you to believe something, you have to make the choice whether you believe it or not. now the only way I am able to recognize hopelessness in the first place is because of the fact that I recognize a lack of hope. meaning at one point I did have hope and if hope is a feeling it cannot just disappear and be completely non existent. just like when you are sad it doesn't mean you will never be happy again 

In the princess bride (one of my all time FAVORITE movies) there is a scene in the pit of despair (it is basically a torture chamber)inigo montoya and fezzik find wesley dead. Now first off the albino that looked after the pit said no one knew how to get in but in a miraculous way they still got it. better yet when they found wesley "dead" in the pit it turns out he was only mostly dead and they were able to revive him with the help of miracle max. yes i understand that is a completely ridiculous and unrealistic possibility from a movie made in the 80's but my point is even in the midst of death they had hope. 

The pit of despair looked like the end but it wasn't. when i get knocked down because of life circumstances I don have to stop and give up I can get back up. I may be bruised and a little sore but regardless I can cling to the fact that I do have hope. whether my hope is running on low or through the roof... 

I will never have no hope.  

  

Narwhal Syndrome

When monday morning rolls around and I think about how far away the weekend seems it can really put a dent in my motivation. I am 100% without a shadow of a doubt not a morning person. 

For those people that can spring out of bed with a thought in their mind besides 18 more hours till I can sleep again I tip my hat to you. There is just something in me that refuses to enjoy the fact that I have to venture out of my peaceful state of sleep. 

I started thinking about that this morning during my zombie hour. {My zombie hour is basically a part of my morning when my eyes are still puffy, I am contemplating going back to bed, when my vocal chords refuse to work and my normally violently happy face wants to slap anyone that tries to make conversation}Now regardless of the fact that I do not enjoy having to wake up and crawl out of my ridiculously warm, soft, and comfy bed I still need to do it. The bottom line is I am so blessed to get up every morning and know that I have a job to go to, I have a variety of deliciously nutritious breakfast options and a plethora of tea's in my cupboard. 

I am not saying I can just flip a switch and from now on I am going to wake up like Cinderella singing to the birds and dancing around. What I can do though is make the most of my days and focus on the good moments. As human beings we feel the need to fix things that are broken, perfect the things we are good at, and be great at as much as we can. I could say I am going to work really hard at being a morning person but the chances of that happening are about the same as me tuning into a narwhal.Now I can go crazy trying to make the chances of me becoming a morning person higher than me turning into a mystical creature but that would be such a waste of time.  

Introducing Narwhal Syndrome. Narwhal Syndrome is simply defined as the obsessive desire to be perfect. Why Narwhal Syndrome? well as I said before the chances of me becoming a narwhal are ZERO just like that chances of you being perfect at everything. For me narwhal syndrome rears its head when I look at becoming a morning person. For others it may be something way more intense and affects you to the core. No matter what your root may be it is something you can still face. It can be broken down simply good verse bad...negative verse positive. You can look at your issue and think I have to be better, I have to fix it or you can look at it and say does the fact that I am not perfect in everything really define me. You are going to have blemishes but what about the amazing things that make you you and the things that your friends and loved ones couldn't live without?

People strive to be the best and if we can't be the best we are told we can't succeed find something new. We then have this messed up complex that we are not good enough or something is wrong. We put on these masks that cover up what we think is horribly wrong with us so others will think everything is ok. The fact is you are never going to be perfect. It is a little harsh and can hit a sore spot for some people but its the truth. Think about what is in your face that you feel you have failed at. If you try and be perfect at it you are going to be disappointed. Don't let Narwhal syndrome creep in and hold you back. 

I royally suck at mornings and I can accept that, I don't let it affect me (most of the time). I have way bigger fish to fry than focus on one little thing that's not perfect. Instead I look at the fact that I am pretty damn good at other things. I am not going to kill myself trying everyday to perfect things but I am going to try my best and be satisfied with my best. 

Mornings still suck but instead of focusing on the fact that I want to make a law against waking up before the sun I contemplate life and blog posts that random strangers are going to read. I sip my cup of tea and get on with my day. 

{happy}

If you were to ask me what do I want in life I couldn't give you a long drawn out plan or dream. It wouldn't be to have a million dollars or a nice house and the perfect job it is simply to be happy. Don't get me wrong while having all those things would be great and probably make life simpler it's not really what matters at the end of the day.

I may be young and not have had many crazy life experiences but one thing I have learned is happiness isn't based on your circumstances happiness is a choice. You make a choice to let your circumstances define your happiness, if you have lots of money in the bank things are okay if you have no money in the bank things are rough and hard and you don't know how you're going to get by your upset all the time people are affected your whole life is affected because of one circumstance. But what about the good circumstances? what about the people in your life that you care about what about the things you have to live for the things ahead of you. When I look back at my life I've had some rough times but then I looked at the good times and those make all the bad times so worth it.

The bad times made me who I am and the good times define who I am. it doesn't matter what happens today or tomorrow what matters is the choice and I choose to be happy I choose to live life to the full and I choose to be the best me I can be. Not because that's what people say you're supposed to do but because that's how life is supposed to be.

Life is going to be hard the unexpected can happen and sometimes you can't be in control but love is worth it God is worth it. Having hope that even though it's tough for now it can to get better is worth it.

Life is an adventure it's not supposed to be suffered through or endured or just having to go through it it's getting to go through it it's getting to experience things and meet new people and do amazing things it's about finding adventure. It's about finding the good in people and finding good in a world that is so messed up but so beautiful.

If you can look at your life and see even a glimmer of goodness choose that because only you can control you ,only you can make the choice to be happy. It isn't always easy to be happy it isn't always easy to make that choice but just think that one smile you give someone in the street or that extra hello Or how you doing to the person at Starbucks could change someone's life because you made the choice to be happy. Someone could feel love for the first time feel like someone cares because of one decision you made. Don't do it because it makes you feel good about yourself simply do it for one reason. We are called to make a difference.

Not everyone can cure cancer but everyone can smile. Anyone can choose to be happy

Another day

If I tried to count how many times I have changed my mind in my lifetime I wouldn't ever be able to even be close. The reality is I change my mind ALL THE TIME! I make a decision and then circumstances change or someone will put their two cents in and I re evaluate again and again. I have spent countless hours debating whether that is right or wrong and ironically I have changed my mind on the answer to that numerous times.

A question I have is why does it truly matter?

Yes in life we all have to make decisions on a daily basis some more important than others, but isn't that what life about? Living a life that reflects who you are and what you believe. I can change my mind a billion and one times but ultimately I need to end up in a place where my life is reflecting me, not just me though it needs to reflecting the God that Is inside me. When I am at a crossroad in life whether that may be white or whole wheat (whole wheat by the way) or something that I have faced everyday for the past little while, England or Canada ultimately it doesn't actually matter.

What does matter though is where my heart is and where I have put my trust. No matter if it's a good day or a bad day God is still the same, all I have to do is chose him and everything else will fall into place. It may not make sense but it's just another day, another choice, another moment when I can let go and just be happy.