Impossibilities are His specialty

If God said it He will do it. 

Trust Him 

even when you can't work out how it's going to happen. 

Impossibilities are His specialty.

---

Let go.

kick some ass

Sometimes taking a step away from routine can really help get perspective on what is really going on in my life. I know where I want to go and have a vague idea of how to get there but to go on a journey you need more than just a plane ticket and a smile. There are lots of little things that need to come together {emphasis on little things}. The thing is I have been given everything I need to go but the little things that really shouldn't matter that much have a death grip on my hope.

The past week I have taken a few deep breathes and tried to just chill the frig out. Honestly it has really helped. Letting myself go to a place where I just don't really care. Not because I don't actually care but because I don't need to. I am not saying I don't give a crap about what happens but I get so consumed with caring that every molecule needs to be in line for me to be ok. I am learning to let go of the controls. I my heart I know the best option is to lift my hands in surrender at the first sign of a struggle, giving it to God right away...I am still working on that.

I know what I am supposed to do next.

It involves making a change that is good but definitely not easy. It will take a lot of faith and require sacrifice and most of all trust. What I expected to be a new fun adventure is starting to reveal itself as an intimidating journey that is starting to scare the crap out of me.

Revealing these feelings on a website for strangers is always a fun way to get stuff off my chest but I know that soon I am going to have to start opening up to my friends, family and loved ones. That is the scariest part. Knowing that I am already scared for what is next, stepping way out of my comfort zone. Being transparent with those I care about the most with the possibility of rejection is crippling. I know I have to move forward regardless of what people are thinking or going to say but it doesn't mean it makes it easier when people you want to be there for you don't back you up.

All I can do is listen to the God who loves me and wants the best for me and trust that no matter what I  can do it. Even when it doesn't make sense and people don't understand he has got me in his arms.

No more sad, depressed, confused Letitia. I am jumping out of the boat and going. It isn't about me being ready because I will never get there if I want to be a perfect 100%. The truth is life is good and circumstances are not going to define me anymore. I am made for a purpose and my purpose is to go to the nations and share the miraculous, relentless, incomparable love of God. It's time to kick some ass for Jesus. 

gosh darnit

Pretty much

                                            

                                                    I don't have it all together             

                                 but He does 

Not What I Expected

Let's start by making something clear

I am incredibly stubborn

I like to have plans and be as prepared as possible for anything that may come across my path. So much so that I have missed out on numerous opportunities that could have been amazing. I have created this picture in my head of how I want something to turn out I and don't stop to think about other possibilities. I can be banging on a door trying to force it to open crying out to God trying to figure out why he isn't helping me. Meanwhile God  has been trying to show me another door he has had open for a long time just waiting for me to walk through. Unfortunately it gets worse, there have been times when I will acknowledge the open door God is pointing too and I still choose to try and make my way work.   

My soul is screaming out for what God wants but my flesh is determined to make things happen in my timing and in my way.  Last night I was driving talking to my wonderful mother about a situation I just can't seem to get past. I know the dream is in my heart and I want it to happen but I was so focused on doing it my way that I ignored what God had pointed out quite a while ago. Instead of moving forward I dug my heels into the ground until I got my way. The thing is I didn't get my way but that dream is a lot closer because...

 I have decided to let go.

After falling on my face and being frankly, a basket case (sorry friends) I am going to stop trying to be in control of  everything and see where He takes me. Life is a funny thing, there are times I have had to work so hard for things that I want that when something comes easily  my first instinct is that it is a trap and I am going to fail, get hurt or both.

Sometimes God just wants me to relax and know that he is there to take care of me so that is what I am going to do. Trust and follow His lead. 

Jump out of the boat

If you woke up feeling really down, remember that whatever you are going through is not where you are staying. You're just passing through!

I am sitting at work and decided to take a peek at twitter and this popped up on my feed. It amazes me how I can wake up feeling absolutely terrible, as if nothing could go right and still God lets me now he is there. 

This past weekend I pent 28 hours in a car driving to California and back. As you probably know I have been in a bit of a challenging season where my dreams have seemed impossible and the place I want to be is so far from reality it's kind of ridiculous. I knew I had to face my frustrations and just get away hence the road trip for one. The journey there was great, I had this excitement and expectation for something great and to be refreshed inside and out. With the excitement came a small warning in the back of my head saying "don't get too excited" . I tried my best to ignore it and it seemed to just disappear once I got there, I met with some great people and definitely enjoyed the sunshine.

The long drive home was where that warning exploded in my face. I was driving for hours and hours, there were accidents causing everything to come to a full stop, other times I was flying through traffic like I was in nascar. About 12 hours into the drive my walls came crumbling down. The tears started flowing and I released that I was driving to a place I didn't want to be. I was exhausted, warn out, tired, cranky and ready to just give up. The worst part was I knew it wasn't just the drive that was getting to me. The way I felt in that moment was how I feel about life. Tired, fed up, frustrated and so incredibly hopeless. I know the truth about life, God is bigger, he cares, he loves me, he has good things planned and with him I can overcome but that truth has been jaded by my circumstances.

For so long I have went through the motions of going to church, reading my bible, praying doing it all. Doing what I can to build my relationship with God. At times I feel him so close that nothing can get in my way but as soon as I look at life and not at him I fall apart. It seriously sucks going day to day feeling hopeless like things are not moving forward. I have had amazing moments but sadly I have made decisions to focus on the negative not the positive. This has become an endless cycle of be good for a bit and then be terrible all over again that I am continuously stuck in. 

When I got up this morning I felt rough, I was back to the routine of work and life in cold gloomy Abbotsford. As I got my morning cup of tea and I reluctantly started working the story of Peter came to mind. He was a man who was so loved by Jesus, he made huge mistakes and still lived a life that people knew was completely dedicated to God. 

The amazing story of Peter walking on water has been one I have heard to many times to count but after today it has made itself a special place in my heart. 

Peter was just a man, he had flaws, fears, insecurities but more than that he had a passionate love for the Lord. When Jesus called him out of the boat he had to make a choice to step out of the boat. He was out of safety and comfort with no one to learn back on if he failed. He may have been terrified but Peter had trust that Jesus wouldn't let him sink (literally). He had to keep his eyes completely focused on Jesus face, not the water or his friends who were probably yelling at his telling him to get his behind back in the boat, he focused on Jesus.

The moment he thought he could do it on his own and took his focus of Jesus he was finished, swimming with the fishy's. Then something so profound happened! Jesus pulled him back up and in mercy and grace literally pulled him back up and saved him from drowning. Jesus could have just got fed up and left him but he didn't He gave Peter another chance. It is one thing to trust God and step out in faith but as Christians we do things because of Him and our strength is in Him. When we take it on ourselves and think we can do it on our own (whether it is consciously or subconsciously) failure is going to show up pretty quick.

Now this story is awesome because walking on water would be cool but what is truly amazing is the faith that Peter had. Peter had to trust with everything he had to step out of that boat, to know that Jesus said we can do all things with Him and actually live that out. It doesn't make sense to just hop out of a boat and see if it works but Peter did it because Jesus said he could. Jesus is the reason we have a life in the first place and sometimes it can suck and feel like I am drowning. I am splashing around trying to look at Jesus and keep my focus on him and it may seem like he's forgotten about me. It can get to a point where hope is gone but I know my Jesus and I know that even when it doesn't make sense, he has asked me to jump out of the boat and I trust him enough to try even if I get wet and things get messy. He doesn't do it to make me hurt he does it to show his goodness and the things he can do in and through me.

Peter didn't just mess up he messed up in the exact same moment Jesus was revealing his miraculous power. We can become so familiar with God and his presence we forget to give him the reverence he deserves. We lose sight of the fact he is the creator of heaven and earth! We need to stay in awe of who he is and not forget the magnitude of the God we serve. God is a big God, he has never left or forgotten us, sometimes it is just a bit harder to climb out of the boat. It may not be smooth sailing or anywhere near easy but as difficult as it is to admit, it will be worth it. 

Come To Me

I love songs that give you goosbumps, in just seconds your heart feels refreshed and you know God is right there with you. This is definitely one of those songs. 

I am the Lord your God,
I go before you now.
I stand beside you
I’m all around you
And though you feel I’m far away
I’m closer than your breath
I am with you
More than you know

I am the Lord your peace
No evil will conquer you
Steady now your heart and mind
Come into my rest
And oh, let your faith arise
And lift up your weary head
I am with you
Wherever you go

Come to me, I’m all you need
Come to me, I’m everything
Come to me, I’m all you need
Come to me, I’m your everything

I am your anchor, in the wind and the waves
And I am your steadfast, so don’t be afraid
Though your heart and flesh may fail you
I’m your faithful strength
And I am with you
Wherever you go

Life is a beautiful thing

Life is a beautiful thing.

It isn't something we endure,

it is something we get to experience and enjoy.

Today I was reminded by some of the most beautiful people I know the importance of our choices. The choices we make will determine the amount of joy we let flow into our lives. We have the choice to let our situations get the better of us or to teach us. The fact that life may not be exactly how we want it be can destroy our hope and leave us apathetic and broken OR in a moment of boldness we can choose to get a different perspective and take every moment for what it is, an opportunity to love the life you live. It is never going to be perfect or run flawlessly but the times we need help getting through, we can lean on those God has placed around us.

I was reminded of the incredible and priceless people I have the privilege of doing life with. It isn't about a special formula or always saying the right thing and in our case where in the world we are, it is about love. Being accepted and loved is a gift I have been given by four amazing women who I look up to and love beyond words.

Where I am in this moment may not have been something I could have predicted but the blessings I have are countless. I am so unbelievably grateful for what I have and I am eagerly anticipating the future knowing I have amazing people along for the journey.

-- love you PB.GT.CH.NB --

Train away

As I sweat like a man running on the treadmill I was thinking as always about the deeper meanings of life. There are things we do in life that have purpose like taking care of ourselves by investing in people, our health, working so we can have a house, eat and live. So many things we do to live a happy life. We work so hard to make things happen, make our lives the best we can so we get to the next best place.

While I walk longer and longer I am getting absolutely nowhere on the treadmill but I am sweating nasty toxins out of my body and keeping my heart ticking. No matter if I run for 5 minutes or an hour it will seem like I haven't went anywhere, no distance whatsoever but the machine tells me I have ran miles. I don't immediately see the good it's doing me but I know that it will pay off.

Sometimes God puts us in situations where we feel like we are running as fast as we can, our tank is nearly on empty but we are in the exact same place. Our circumstances are the same but we are even more worn out.What I have learned is that sometimes we have to go through a training season. We are building ourselves so when the time is right we have prepared ourselves to run the race God has called us to run.

It doesn't always make sense and it can hurt a lot but trust me Go always comes through and when you see the result and the amazing blessings it will so be worth it.

Regardless of what you feel or think God will always do things to build you up and do things to give you an incredible life. Trust in him and jut watch what he can do.

I shall but love thee better after death.

It was my birthday this week and I decided to get myself a FANTASTIC book as a present. A beautiful collection of love poems written by poets like the Bronte's, Keats, Blake, Shelly and my absolute favorite Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

The way her passion bursts from inside her to paint such a beautiful picture in just a few words takes my breathe away. Her beloved husband was her muse, inspiring her to write poetry that would leave me in awe 150 years after she wrote it. I have read sonnet XXIII about a thousand times and every time I read it I get butterflies and can't help but smile. It is one of the most popular love poems ever written playing a huge part in the legacy Elizabeth has left behind. 

I am not a poet, a writer or even decent at coloring in the lines. I don't have millions of followers on twitter or paparazzi following me around, I am no one of huge significance in society. I am however Letitia Andreas and that is pretty freaking cool if you ask me. I don't know what my dreams are, I don't know where I want to be in 10, 20 or 30 years heck I don't even know where I want to be in 5! I do know that I want to leave a legacy. 

My goal isn't to be famous but to be known as a person who loved. Love is the only thing in the world that has always been and will always be. This year has a clean slate, even though it is 11 days in and I feel like I am ready for a fresh start already I know that this year will be another year of adventure and new stories. I have made promises to myself that this year will be different and the only one who can make it an awesome year is me so this year I am making a choice. 

I will love the unloved

I will pursue life with everything I am 

I will take risks and not hold back 

I will not be defined by my past 

I will be filled to the top with joy

I will just be me 

The last line of sonnet XXIII is I shall but love thee better after death and that is my desire. I pray the love God has put in my heart will pour out of me and into people around me and create a chain reaction of people outrageously loving people. This will be my legacy.

secret garden

*How am I supposed to dream big when my secrets and dreams are locked away so deep in my heart that I don't even know where they are. God is the only one who knows how to fix it, he has the key to unlock the happiness that is so far gone. My true heartache is seeping out, pushing the artificial smile off my face. 

My life is great, I have so many things to be thankful for but it's just not the life I want to be in. The stories of adventure I want are no where near the mediocre production I am acting out. 

God has big things planned, waiting to find out what they are and who I am supposed to be is infuriating. It is time for the walls of my secret garden to come down and the beauty inside to be revealed, I just need to find the key.