Not What I Expected

Let's start by making something clear

I am incredibly stubborn

I like to have plans and be as prepared as possible for anything that may come across my path. So much so that I have missed out on numerous opportunities that could have been amazing. I have created this picture in my head of how I want something to turn out I and don't stop to think about other possibilities. I can be banging on a door trying to force it to open crying out to God trying to figure out why he isn't helping me. Meanwhile God  has been trying to show me another door he has had open for a long time just waiting for me to walk through. Unfortunately it gets worse, there have been times when I will acknowledge the open door God is pointing too and I still choose to try and make my way work.   

My soul is screaming out for what God wants but my flesh is determined to make things happen in my timing and in my way.  Last night I was driving talking to my wonderful mother about a situation I just can't seem to get past. I know the dream is in my heart and I want it to happen but I was so focused on doing it my way that I ignored what God had pointed out quite a while ago. Instead of moving forward I dug my heels into the ground until I got my way. The thing is I didn't get my way but that dream is a lot closer because...

 I have decided to let go.

After falling on my face and being frankly, a basket case (sorry friends) I am going to stop trying to be in control of  everything and see where He takes me. Life is a funny thing, there are times I have had to work so hard for things that I want that when something comes easily  my first instinct is that it is a trap and I am going to fail, get hurt or both.

Sometimes God just wants me to relax and know that he is there to take care of me so that is what I am going to do. Trust and follow His lead.