Thursday, February 21, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Not What I Expected
Let's start by making something clear
I am incredibly stubborn
I like to have plans and be as prepared as possible for anything that may come across my path. So much so that I have missed out on numerous opportunities that could have been amazing. I have created this picture in my head of how I want something to turn out I and don't stop to think about other possibilities. I can be banging on a door trying to force it to open crying out to God trying to figure out why he isn't helping me. Meanwhile God has been trying to show me another door he has had open for a long time just waiting for me to walk through. Unfortunately it gets worse, there have been times when I will acknowledge the open door God is pointing too and I still choose to try and make my way work.
My soul is screaming out for what God wants but my flesh is determined to make things happen in my timing and in my way. Last night I was driving talking to my wonderful mother about a situation I just can't seem to get past. I know the dream is in my heart and I want it to happen but I was so focused on doing it my way that I ignored what God had pointed out quite a while ago. Instead of moving forward I dug my heels into the ground until I got my way. The thing is I didn't get my way but that dream is a lot closer because...
I have decided to let go.
After falling on my face and being frankly, a basket case (sorry friends) I am going to stop trying to be in control of everything and see where He takes me. Life is a funny thing, there are times I have had to work so hard for things that I want that when something comes easily my first instinct is that it is a trap and I am going to fail, get hurt or both.
Sometimes God just wants me to relax and know that he is there to take care of me so that is what I am going to do. Trust and follow His lead.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Jump out of the boat
If you woke up feeling really down, remember that whatever you are going through is not where you are staying. You're just passing through!
I am sitting at work and decided to take a peek at twitter and this popped up on my feed. It amazes me how I can wake up feeling absolutely terrible, as if nothing could go right and still God lets me now he is there.
This past weekend I pent 28 hours in a car driving to California and back. As you probably know I have been in a bit of a challenging season where my dreams have seemed impossible and the place I want to be is so far from reality it's kind of ridiculous. I knew I had to face my frustrations and just get away hence the road trip for one. The journey there was great, I had this excitement and expectation for something great and to be refreshed inside and out. With the excitement came a small warning in the back of my head saying "don't get too excited" . I tried my best to ignore it and it seemed to just disappear once I got there, I met with some great people and definitely enjoyed the sunshine.
The long drive home was where that warning exploded in my face. I was driving for hours and hours, there were accidents causing everything to come to a full stop, other times I was flying through traffic like I was in nascar. About 12 hours into the drive my walls came crumbling down. The tears started flowing and I released that I was driving to a place I didn't want to be. I was exhausted, warn out, tired, cranky and ready to just give up. The worst part was I knew it wasn't just the drive that was getting to me. The way I felt in that moment was how I feel about life. Tired, fed up, frustrated and so incredibly hopeless. I know the truth about life, God is bigger, he cares, he loves me, he has good things planned and with him I can overcome but that truth has been jaded by my circumstances.
For so long I have went through the motions of going to church, reading my bible, praying doing it all. Doing what I can to build my relationship with God. At times I feel him so close that nothing can get in my way but as soon as I look at life and not at him I fall apart. It seriously sucks going day to day feeling hopeless like things are not moving forward. I have had amazing moments but sadly I have made decisions to focus on the negative not the positive. This has become an endless cycle of be good for a bit and then be terrible all over again that I am continuously stuck in.
When I got up this morning I felt rough, I was back to the routine of work and life in cold gloomy Abbotsford. As I got my morning cup of tea and I reluctantly started working the story of Peter came to mind. He was a man who was so loved by Jesus, he made huge mistakes and still lived a life that people knew was completely dedicated to God.
The amazing story of Peter walking on water has been one I have heard to many times to count but after today it has made itself a special place in my heart.
Peter was just a man, he had flaws, fears, insecurities but more than that he had a passionate love for the Lord. When Jesus called him out of the boat he had to make a choice to step out of the boat. He was out of safety and comfort with no one to learn back on if he failed. He may have been terrified but Peter had trust that Jesus wouldn't let him sink (literally). He had to keep his eyes completely focused on Jesus face, not the water or his friends who were probably yelling at his telling him to get his behind back in the boat, he focused on Jesus.
The moment he thought he could do it on his own and took his focus of Jesus he was finished, swimming with the fishy's. Then something so profound happened! Jesus pulled him back up and in mercy and grace literally pulled him back up and saved him from drowning. Jesus could have just got fed up and left him but he didn't He gave Peter another chance. It is one thing to trust God and step out in faith but as Christians we do things because of Him and our strength is in Him. When we take it on ourselves and think we can do it on our own (whether it is consciously or subconsciously) failure is going to show up pretty quick.
Now this story is awesome because walking on water would be cool but what is truly amazing is the faith that Peter had. Peter had to trust with everything he had to step out of that boat, to know that Jesus said we can do all things with Him and actually live that out. It doesn't make sense to just hop out of a boat and see if it works but Peter did it because Jesus said he could. Jesus is the reason we have a life in the first place and sometimes it can suck and feel like I am drowning. I am splashing around trying to look at Jesus and keep my focus on him and it may seem like he's forgotten about me. It can get to a point where hope is gone but I know my Jesus and I know that even when it doesn't make sense, he has asked me to jump out of the boat and I trust him enough to try even if I get wet and things get messy. He doesn't do it to make me hurt he does it to show his goodness and the things he can do in and through me.
Peter didn't just mess up he messed up in the exact same moment Jesus was revealing his miraculous power. We can become so familiar with God and his presence we forget to give him the reverence he deserves. We lose sight of the fact he is the creator of heaven and earth! We need to stay in awe of who he is and not forget the magnitude of the God we serve. God is a big God, he has never left or forgotten us, sometimes it is just a bit harder to climb out of the boat. It may not be smooth sailing or anywhere near easy but as difficult as it is to admit, it will be worth it.
I am sitting at work and decided to take a peek at twitter and this popped up on my feed. It amazes me how I can wake up feeling absolutely terrible, as if nothing could go right and still God lets me now he is there.
This past weekend I pent 28 hours in a car driving to California and back. As you probably know I have been in a bit of a challenging season where my dreams have seemed impossible and the place I want to be is so far from reality it's kind of ridiculous. I knew I had to face my frustrations and just get away hence the road trip for one. The journey there was great, I had this excitement and expectation for something great and to be refreshed inside and out. With the excitement came a small warning in the back of my head saying "don't get too excited" . I tried my best to ignore it and it seemed to just disappear once I got there, I met with some great people and definitely enjoyed the sunshine.
The long drive home was where that warning exploded in my face. I was driving for hours and hours, there were accidents causing everything to come to a full stop, other times I was flying through traffic like I was in nascar. About 12 hours into the drive my walls came crumbling down. The tears started flowing and I released that I was driving to a place I didn't want to be. I was exhausted, warn out, tired, cranky and ready to just give up. The worst part was I knew it wasn't just the drive that was getting to me. The way I felt in that moment was how I feel about life. Tired, fed up, frustrated and so incredibly hopeless. I know the truth about life, God is bigger, he cares, he loves me, he has good things planned and with him I can overcome but that truth has been jaded by my circumstances.
For so long I have went through the motions of going to church, reading my bible, praying doing it all. Doing what I can to build my relationship with God. At times I feel him so close that nothing can get in my way but as soon as I look at life and not at him I fall apart. It seriously sucks going day to day feeling hopeless like things are not moving forward. I have had amazing moments but sadly I have made decisions to focus on the negative not the positive. This has become an endless cycle of be good for a bit and then be terrible all over again that I am continuously stuck in.
When I got up this morning I felt rough, I was back to the routine of work and life in cold gloomy Abbotsford. As I got my morning cup of tea and I reluctantly started working the story of Peter came to mind. He was a man who was so loved by Jesus, he made huge mistakes and still lived a life that people knew was completely dedicated to God.
The amazing story of Peter walking on water has been one I have heard to many times to count but after today it has made itself a special place in my heart.
Peter was just a man, he had flaws, fears, insecurities but more than that he had a passionate love for the Lord. When Jesus called him out of the boat he had to make a choice to step out of the boat. He was out of safety and comfort with no one to learn back on if he failed. He may have been terrified but Peter had trust that Jesus wouldn't let him sink (literally). He had to keep his eyes completely focused on Jesus face, not the water or his friends who were probably yelling at his telling him to get his behind back in the boat, he focused on Jesus.
The moment he thought he could do it on his own and took his focus of Jesus he was finished, swimming with the fishy's. Then something so profound happened! Jesus pulled him back up and in mercy and grace literally pulled him back up and saved him from drowning. Jesus could have just got fed up and left him but he didn't He gave Peter another chance. It is one thing to trust God and step out in faith but as Christians we do things because of Him and our strength is in Him. When we take it on ourselves and think we can do it on our own (whether it is consciously or subconsciously) failure is going to show up pretty quick.
Now this story is awesome because walking on water would be cool but what is truly amazing is the faith that Peter had. Peter had to trust with everything he had to step out of that boat, to know that Jesus said we can do all things with Him and actually live that out. It doesn't make sense to just hop out of a boat and see if it works but Peter did it because Jesus said he could. Jesus is the reason we have a life in the first place and sometimes it can suck and feel like I am drowning. I am splashing around trying to look at Jesus and keep my focus on him and it may seem like he's forgotten about me. It can get to a point where hope is gone but I know my Jesus and I know that even when it doesn't make sense, he has asked me to jump out of the boat and I trust him enough to try even if I get wet and things get messy. He doesn't do it to make me hurt he does it to show his goodness and the things he can do in and through me.
Peter didn't just mess up he messed up in the exact same moment Jesus was revealing his miraculous power. We can become so familiar with God and his presence we forget to give him the reverence he deserves. We lose sight of the fact he is the creator of heaven and earth! We need to stay in awe of who he is and not forget the magnitude of the God we serve. God is a big God, he has never left or forgotten us, sometimes it is just a bit harder to climb out of the boat. It may not be smooth sailing or anywhere near easy but as difficult as it is to admit, it will be worth it.
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